Monday, November 22, 2010, 10:24 PM
Posted by Administrator
Here in the State of Florida, there are two ways to become a judge. I, and all of my friends, have avoided them both.

1) Get appointed. To be appointed a judge (County or Circuit trial level...appellate judge's are different---by which I do not mean that they are strange or abnormal) is what you need to do: (Note that there first has to be an opening because a judge quit before election time, got kicked off the bench, or a new judge-position was created.)
A) Complete and file an enormous application detailing your education, employment and experience. I think you've even got to list all of the cases you've tried...but I could be wrong.
B) Go to an interview before a committee of people who are appointed by the govenor (THE JUDICIAL NOMINATING COMMISSION). These people will grill you with questions about why you want to be a judge; why you would be a good judge; what about the time you stole that donut?....then...
C) The committee will ignore the applications, figure out who has connections and then send a few names of those with friends and connections to the govenor.
D) The govenor will appoint one of the people whose name was sent up based upon who they know, what-race-of-judge-we-need-next, and who they know.
E) The person the govenor appoints will be sworn in as judge.
By pure coincidence, the new judge may not be an idiot.

2. Get elected. The election is non-partisan so it doesn't matter if you are a Republican or a Democrat. is what you need to do:
A) Register your candidacy with the Supervisor of Elections; appoint a treasurer; open a bank account.
B) Put every penny you can get your hands on into the accoutnt. You will have to disclose the account balance and the idea is to have so much money that you look like a sure thing and all of your prospective opponents are scared away.
C) Pay something like 5% of one year's salary to get your name on the ballot.
D) Huck an endorsement from every lawyer, business, professional you can find. Send out a letter touting your candidacy and listing all of your endorsers.
E) Buy hundreds of plastic signs and wire stick-in-the-ground sign holders and have your friends drive around the county sticking them in the ground everywhere that they are not scared off by someone toting a shotgun.
F) Interview with the Palm Beach Post and get their endorsement.
G) Kiss babies, debte the candidates you failed to scare off (but, in keeping with the idea of judicial decorum, you can't actually say anything meaninful).
H) Spend everything you have left in your account at last-minute-television-commercials.
Amazingly, an awful lot of judges that get themselves elected are not idiots.

Be aware, though, as you navigate the legal system with the lawyer you hired based on little more than blind faith.......a lot of judges ARE stupid. So, as your case moves along the system, remember: prayer is good...God is probably not following your case too closely but, who know?; compulsive behavior is strange.. but maybe you don't want to step on those cracks in the sidewalk until you are done; many countries don't have extradition treaties with the US; you really love your wife/husband...don't you? did the two of you land up here, anyway?

Editor's Note: Bob Smith is a retired South Florida lawyer who will be in town for the next few days and then will be flying back to Jackson, Wyoming, picking up his new Silverado at the airport and driving the 4 hours back to his cabin on the Canadian border. Bob says "I can now say "It's time to shear the sheep, again." in five languages." "Canadian is a separate language, eh...right?"
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