Note to self.......... 
Friday, January 3, 2020, 10:10 AM
Posted by Administrator
Note to readers: Like most entries, I have not proofread. But, someday soon, I WILL!

In an entry, below (THINGS I LEARNED BEING AN ICE CREAM MAN), I wrote that I am holding off on writing TOP TEN THINGS I LEARNED BEING A LAWYER until I am done being a lawyer (consistent with the timing of the COMPUTER SALES, CAR SALES and ICE CREAM MAN entries)which will be when I die. Since death is likely hard on one's memory, it seems like a good idea to write notes now. Below are only notes......the finished version is still, I hope, years away.

10) Part of pre-trial preparation (and, generally, lawyering) should involve watching what you eat. Yesterday, I had a hearing at 1:30. That meant I had to leave for court by 11:30 (in keeping with my long-term policy of being neurotically early....which helps avoid ever being late). Since I don't eat until 11:00 (intermittent fasting for the past six months---down a few pounds and my blood sugar level is perfect: 1) not that I ever had reason to believe it wasn't perfect previously and 2) I never have it tested so I am just guessing), I had to grab something to eat. "Heritage Flakes", I thought to myself, "made with ancient grains like khosan wheat, millet and spelt....with milk." Then, I realized that milk would not be a good idea. Other experienced lawyers might think "beans" (there is a poem about them) in the same way I thought "milk". I had an English Muffin with butter.

Courtrooms are usually designed to make it easy to hear......everything.

Many years ago, before I headed off to the courthouse I had lunch with the entire firm I had at the time. It was a VERY big lunch at an Italian Restaurant that served garlic knots (of which I ate quite a few in addition to whatever I ordered as well as things from other people's plates). By the end of it (no liquor, beer or wine), I was stuffed.

I would now like to digress and tell a short story:

It was (give or take) 1976 and Stev, a friend of mine, was living in slightly upstate NY. Stev and a friend of his were going to go out to dinner at a restaurant that had just been opened by the friend's friend in a small town about 1/2 hour's drive to the south. Stev thought that it would be a good idea, before they left, to smoke pot and to eat an entire bag of Pepperidge Farm Milano cookes. So, he did.

At the restaurant, Stev ordered an museels fra diablo as an appetizer. Within a few moments, Stev went blind in his left eye.

The next day, sight in the eye having returned within a few hours, Stev phoned an expert to find out why this had happened. The expert, his friend Jerry's wife, Nancy, who was an RN, said, more or less exactly this: "Stev, you idiot. The marijuana lowered your blood sugar, the cookies lowered it more (because your body produces insulin to metabolize the sugar and keeps on producing insulin after you stop eating sugar driving your insulin way below what it should be) then, when you got to the restaurant, you got a dish with red sauce which is made with sugar so, more insulin, lower blood sugar....once you took a bite, it was inevitable that you would go blind in at least one eye. One result of extremely low blood sugar is blindness."

Anyway....back to the lunch at the Italian restaurant story, After eating and paying, I rolled myself into my car, drove to the courthouse and was, somehow, able to halfway function with a bloated stomach and low blood sugar.

But, my client was entitled to more than this from me. So, that was my last big workday lunch (really, it was my last work-day lunch of any size). Certainly, I would never eat anything much for lunch if I was in the middle of a trial. Food just slows you down and makes you feel crappy and hungry.

Back in the day, some of the local judges reportedly went to the Helen Wilkes Hotel (now, long gone) for lunch...........and drank. They were men among men and are to be admired for their cast iron stomachs and big, strong livers. I hope this does not still go on.

Anyway, for a variety of reasons, the #10 top thing I learned being a lawyer: Be careful what goes into your stomach and, especially, when.

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